Empty Nest

It was bound to happen son.  First please accept mama’s apology.  But as they say “sorry/not sorry”.  I’m writing about you.

On March 10, 1990, my life changed and my purpose had never been clearer.  There were times I wondered what would become of me, but on that date I knew who I was and my purpose.  That was the day I became Brady Hall Mosher’s mama.  There was a deeper dimension added to me that day.  It made my life sweeter.  It became so much richer.  It was the best job I ever had.  Before March 10, 1990, I had read and heard recited many times “Children are a blessing from the Lord.”  It was something I knew was true, but I hadn’t had the experience.  From that date until now I’ve enjoyed that lavish blessing.  I’m so grateful.

My son’s birth changed me.  I began to ooze motherhood.  I became extremely nurturing and maternal.  I truly became Mother Teresa.  But then the day came when what was appropriate when he was small was no longer appropriate.  It crept up on me. It seems so obvious, but it’s harder to live out.  He was in college when I forced myself to stop telling him “don’t burn yourself angel” when I would serve him a hot meal. I know it’s ridiculous.  I don’t do it now, but I still sometimes have the urge to.  Even though he’s 28 years old now, I still kind of want to tend to him.  He is well within his rights to resist this – especially when I try to doctor on him.  This usually earns me a heavy sigh and an eye roll, to which I respond by saying something like “don’t get smart with me Doctor Mosher”.

I tell you all of this to show you how hard it was/is for me to transition from being his covering to his sometimes counselor.  Face it mammas.  One day they will leave.  They may even move hundreds of miles from you.  On the surface it just seems rude and inconsiderate.  We say it often “my son”, “my daughter”.  We say it so often we really start to believe they belong to us.  We completely forget they are entrusted to us for a very short time.  We are to teach them well and then let them fly.  They have a purpose to fulfill and we must not stand in the way.  They really belong to Jesus and He is so good to let us raise and enjoy them.

So what becomes of mammas when the nest gets empty.  When the thing you did every day moves out because it’s time for him to.  Because it’s entirely appropriate for him to move.  Because he can’t be everything he needs to grow to be if he doesn’t leave.  Because if mamas stand in the way we will retard their development.  They have lessons to be learned and some of them will have to be learned without us.  Well mamas we have lessons to be learned as well.  Here are a few truths I’ve learned to hang onto.

First off I’m learning to take literally “the steps of the righteous are ordered of God”.  For about 20 years I had a great assignment.  I was assigned the delightful work of raising an upright young man.  Think of that – a 20 year dream job. I knew what was to be done each day.  I knew it was taking care of a young man.  When he left I began to learn to receive daily assignments.  I began to say to myself “as long as I’m upright before the Lord, my steps are ordered of Him”.  That means there is destiny in each step.  Please let this sink in.  There is purpose in every step.  Not one experience is wasted as long as you are upright before God.

I am learning to not trust my feelings but to place my trust in  what God’s truth says.  I felt like I missed being a mama.  If I’m telling the truth I was really indulging in feeling sorry for myself.  I had to stop listening to myself and start talking to myself.  Jesus said many times “those who have ears to hear let them hear and those who have eyes to see let them see”.

I am learning to develop my sight and hearing so that I focus on what God’s word says. Some changes are hard.  That initial change of my status from being Teresa to being Brady’s mama came so easily to me.  That realization that he really doesn’t belong to me is much harder to grasp.

What’s hard for me now is this business of having to constantly remind myself that he doesn’t need me to reach out and fix it for him.  For years I was his source.  It’s been a hard habit to break.  On top of that, I’ve found that sometimes when I’m really sure I have the answer, it turns out I really don’t.   I’m learning to respect his boundaries and decisions.   I’m still here if he needs to talk out anything. I’m still here through disappointments and trying times, but I’m learning to pray about his decisions now instead of actively helping him make them. I’m continuing to learn to trust God with him. I’m talking about keeping my mouth shut and letting the Holy Spirit do the talking.  I’ll always be Brady Hall Mosher’s mama, but I’m learning to do it differently.

I’m so grateful for the extravagant blessing of motherhood.    Brady Hall Mosher you are deeply loved.